So I wanted to take a step back from beauty and fashion for this post and right something almost 'real' . Today I got some incredible disappointing news . It was one of those things that killed me inside but would have been like water of a ducks back to someone else outside the situation. My biggest emotion was disappointment. After crying for hours I began to think of the term disappointment  and to me it feels like you have been kicked in the stomach several times and living you worst nightmare that never ends.

After eating every sugary food in the house I remember being like ''why me ? ''. I'm sure these three little words go through everyone's head in a bad situation, you see yourself as this good person who didn't deserve this big downfall and you want to know why. You deserve to know why. You don't need to hear the favourite quote ''everything happens for a reason '' , you worked hard for this and you deserved for it to work out. What happened to ' Hard work pays off ? ''. So after sitting there being to full to move from the comfort eating I realised that maybe I hate that clich√© quote because maybe its true its some weird universe that you have to accept . As hard as it was for me to understand maybe I wasn't ready to move on and this disappointment had the ability to stop me whether I liked it or not.
Unfortunately though I didn't want to accept it , I wanted to move on with my life , to get out of this town and find adventure, freedom .  I didn't want to spend another year doing the same thing everyday in wishful hopes of next year will be my year. In the end your brain finally finds it way to you and shows you the light from under the tunnel you just have to find it. I started researching other ways around my disappointment and becoming a little happier as I pushed the hurt away.

I guess the point of this post is that as hurtful disappointment can be crying and getting upset only helps for a little while. Yes it makes you feel better at the time but long term you're still stuck at the start of you tunnel. I'm only beginning to dig myself out and I haven't found the light but I'm a lot closer to it now then I was with mascara webs down my face. 

I picked this picture because it was all I wanted to do today. I wanted to pick up my house I move somewhere away from the disappointment , I wanted to hide away in hopes that it would go away but unfortunately balloons deflate , burst and you come crashing down to realisation . You have to face the hurt to make it better.
Red Clover <3


  1. I had to go through this post few times.You are an amazing person!your head needs to be up now more than ever!:))
    Keep in touch xoxo

  2. This is pretty heavy stuff... But yes, change is sometimes just what you need! Ever thought about having a gap year? I did it this year, and I can really say that I'm a different person now :) Hope you find a solution that works for you!



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